On February 25th I was diagnosed with uterine cancer, surgery was inevitable. Now I've never wanted kids but sometimes since I heard my diagnosis I'll get a little sad, like looking at an Avon book and seeing a "mom" necklace and getting teary-eyed. It doesn't happen often and it's only fleeting, but the feelings are there and I have to accept them.
On February 28th, I met with my gynecologist/oncologist and I immediately felt confident in him. He told me what to expect, that according to the initial pathology results it appeared to be in the early stages, and "you will not die from this". Then the surprise....he could do the surgery on the following Monday! He doesn't like to have a back log or waste time, so if I was ready he was ready. Was I ready? Maybe not but I had cancer why wait?
March 4th arrives and I'm absolutely giddy in pre-op. The nurses remembered me from my D&C on February 19th (which was hilarious! "Did you miss us that much!?") The anesthesiologist said I was too happy and he knew the sedative didn't work that fast! Yes this surgery meant no kids but it also meant no cancer and how couldn't I be happy about that? My doctor told my parents surgery went well, he took lymph nodes for staging, and I should be able to go home the next day which I did. The nurses on my floor were so sweet and supportive.
Recovery was going as well as could be expected, I had pains and was exhausted but I had major surgery and lost body parts, it's expected. But I did notice an annoying pain that I thought was catheter irritation and last Tuesday the 12th I got REALLY nauseous but it passed.
So here's where the near death experience comes in. The next day I was sitting at the table having lunch, stood up and started bleeding profusely from my vagina and when I say profusely I mean practically hemorrhaging. I called my doctor who said to come down, called my parents and off we went to make the hour car ride to my doctor's office. They took me in right away and started working on me. I started feeling more and more weak, and then my doctor sutured me (without Novocaine ladies!) to stop the bleeding, even though I think he knew it wouldn't stop and was just putting stitches in until he got me to the hospital. So he tells me to get to the hospital and he'd meet me there but I couldn't stand up without falling over. They checked my blood pressure and it dropped to 86/44 and next thing I know I'm on the table in his office telling my mom I just want to go to sleep and mom yelling at me "Stay awake!" Then the ambulance showed up and off I go to the hospital. Again. As it turns out, an abrasion was created during the hysterectomy but it was hidden and couldn't easily be seen. As for all the blood, I've always been "juicy" as a nurse told me once so who knows there. I spent another night in the hospital, had the same nurses who all remembered me and again took amazing care of me.
My recovery has definitely taken a step back, I should be driving this week had recovery gone well but I can't drive for another 2 weeks now because of the abrasion. I have new aches and pains to go with the older ones, and I'm even more easily exhausted if that's possible. Plus I'll need even more time off of work which means more time wtithout a paycheck but at least I'm alive! Things got really real last week, too real and I'm just grateful that I'm able to type this blog post to you all. And the LYMPH NODES CAME BACK NEGATIVE! I meet with my doctor in a few weeks, and we'll discuss what will happen moving forward. As for my art, I'm keeping a digital journal on my iPad. Unfortunately the last few entries have basically consisted of blood splatter recreations but I need to work through that as well.
Thank you for reading this all. So much has happened and I needed to get it out. Hug your loved ones and kiss your pets. :)